Some things bothered me these past few weeks. Because of that, I realized several things. First, that I have an attitude problem. That when I am angry, I am capable of doing “bad” things and saying “hurting” words to other people, especially to my friends. That is something I have to change. Hmm… Maybe I should take up anger management sessions.

I seldom get fuming. When I’m mad, there’s always a reason. It’s not true that I just start to freak out and destroy other people’s moods for no grounds at all although sometimes, the cause is not very sensible. I let small things irritate me. Then I speak aloud or shout (acting the extremely opposite of the “normal” me), I sound like an angry dog ready to bite a person at any second or worse, like wild tigress. And I hurt other people through my words (and my actions).

That Friday is one of the worst days I had. I did not think first before I said or did something. I let the anger overcome me. I can’t even recall all the things I uttered and the way I acted that time. Others are afraid of me. They find it hard to approach me and ask for my help in our school projects. Someone even called me as “Si naghambal sang ‘O! Ikaw na lang himo!” It’s true. I did say that (after thinking for a long time if I really did) but I was not serious when I said that. I don’t feel bad about the person who said that. They may consider it childish and stupid, re-enact what I did and said that day and gossip about what I did over and over again, I won’t feel terrible because I know that what I have done is wrong and irrational. I deserve it. I just have to bear in mind that I should not be that enraged again.

It’s easy for people to realize their mistakes (because people are capable of distinguishing what is right from wrong). But in the same way as it is hard for people to forgive someone who have done wrong to them, it’s not easy to ask forgiveness and admit your mistakes to someone you have done wrong. You have to swallow your pride and say “I’m sorry” sincerely. When I had the chance, I decided to grab it. And I said it. It may sound hypocritical to them but God knows how apologetic I was.

Nobody (of people I met in college) has seen me cry until then.

Yet looking at the brighter side, I gained knowledge about a lot of things. Here are some of them:

• That the ONLY friend who will always be there for me, Who will not cut off our bond of friendship just because I hurt Him, Who will try to understand and forgive me when I ask for His forgiveness and admit my mistakes to Him, Who will accept me for who I am no matter what, Who will always love me unconditionally is GOD.
• Think first before trusting somebody. He/she may use what you have said to him/her against you someday.
• People are narrow-minded sometimes. They’re also self-centered, always thinking about their selves.
• Some people enjoy the pleasure of gossips. It’s like nothing in the world could make them happier than sharing a gossip with their gossip-loving friends.
• Always say “thank you”, “please”, “opo” or “po”, “ate” or “kuya” (to those older than you). Some people consider it as their only measure of respect. So don’t forget to respect people. It’s very important.
• Talk to people in the most polite way. Just because you have maids at home, some people may think you are talking to them as if they’re your maid if you don’t talk to them in the nicest way.
• Never forget the age difference between you and a friend. If your friend’s older than you and you both encounter an argument, he/she may ask you to face the fact that – “Hey! Respect! Remember I was born to this earth earlier than you!”
• I am not in this world to live up to your expectations. You are not in this world to live up with mine. You are you and I am I… You know the rest of it.
• You don’t need to satisfy other people. Just enjoy what you are doing.
• People can’t judge you because they (and even your friends) don’t know you. They may assume whatever they want to assume about you and your attitude. But they can’t judge you because they’re more ignorant than a pig (the pig’s an intelligent animal) when it comes to knowing you.
• Sometimes, people you call friends are those who can’t understand you.
• I may be like this, and like that… But never say where I will end up with because today is where my book begins, you’re not the author of the book – and the rest is still unwritten!
• Think first before you say something. You cannot easily get back the words that have been said.
• It’s nice to have a few close friends whom you can always hang out with. But it’s also nice to learn about other people, not always focusing on your own set of friends. There are a lot of interesting people around you, just open your eyes you’ll see.
• When your friends say you don’t respect them, it’s not true. How come you became friends if there’s no respect among you? Unless they’re not really your friends… Hmmm…
• Some people are capable of pushing their friends away. Some people are capable of cutting the bond of friendship between them and their friends.
• The worst thing people could do to their friends is to consider them as strangers.
• People who speak about other people have small minds.
• When people think that you’re intelligent, be proud of it. Then be kind. Think that they’re intelligent people, too.
• To win friends, you don’t have to let them copy your assignments and other school works. You’re not winning real friends that way.
• Stop the drama! Get real. Be sincere. Talk to people.
• Be thankful that the cellphone is invented. If you want to say something to a person, do it through your cellphone. It’s just a text message away. Tell everything through text. After all, you don’t have the courage to tell it personally.
• Acceptance. A real friend accepts your shortcomings.
• Sometimes for some people, “sorry” is not enough. For others, it’s more than enough.
• When people talk, it’s not your responsibility to listen to them, especially if you have already heard about it. You have the option not to listen.
• People may advise you. Tell you things that you should do. But seeing their actions, it’s as if they never heard themselves, doing the exact opposite of the advices they’ve given to other people.
• You can’t please everybody. Now that is a fact.
• People can’t watch each and every word they say. They’re driven by emotions most of the time. We just need to understand that.

Not because terrible things have happened mainly because of what I’ve done, the world will stop. It will never stop. Life has to continue. I am happy I learned a lot of things.